I dunno

So today is just not a good day for me. Like its really horrible. And well Katt was givin me a really big attitude in Microbiology and like that really pisses me off. How you gonna give me an attitude when Im just trying to be nice and shit. I mean yeah Im not in the best mood today but still I wouldn't give her an attitude because Im not happy. Im mad that she did that too me, and Im not the only one who seen it. Eric also said she was being a bitch today too. Ugh I hate the way people act towards me. Like I am so damn depressed....Im thinking more and more about cutting and the only thing stopping me is the fact that I don't want to loose my nephews and niece. Like they are probably the most important people in my life...but like if all this shit keeps happening and I keep thinking about all the things I am thinking about then Im gonna end up doing it. And like I could cry right now and I don't think it would actually do anything for me. Like crying doesn't seem to help anymore and thats probably why I don't do it anymore. I don't know what the hell to do and like talking to Holly about this shit is nice but I don't want to talk to her about it anymore cause I know she has to be getting sick of hearing it. And I wish I could talk to someone about it...I mean I have Pam, my therapist and Gil but like it would be nice if I could talk to someone my age....I dunno anymore. I seems like the only way for me to feel happy is to cut and see myself bleed...I mean I know its not the best thing but I know to me its the best thing...i dunno