Sitting in the rain

I never really realized how calming the rain was. I sat in it and though slightly about things. It was nice to feel the coolness of the raindrops falling upon my skin. It also helped me think about what I was thinking about. No Im not going to be specific about what it was that I was thinking about because well thoughts are suppose to be private sometimes and this is one of those times. But most times you will know my thoughts because most times I wrote blogs because I want my thoughts out of my head and the way to do that is by typing them down in my blog. I don't mind people knowing about what goes on in my head or what goes on around me because I don't really care what people think of me. I mean its so funny how actions people do and the thoughts they have are ways they are looked at. Like I can think of so many dark and depressing things, morbid things, so does that automatically make me "evil"? I can cut my wrists and arms and just watch them bleed without a care in the world does that make me sick and crazy? To most people its a yes but to me its a no. People do things to help out themselves. I mean yes I know people say cutting isn't helpful or isnt safe but not all people cut to kill. I was a cutter, I wasn't trying to die. It was helpful to me, it helped me stop thinking, stop feeling emotional pain and well helped me feel like I could do what I wanted. Like now I cant do that and I cant feel that way. Unless I hide my scars and hide my ways. Its not hard to do...It's quite easy but I feel as if I get found out about people will think different of me and also I know I will be admitted for doing something that makes me feel truly free. I dunno. These are some of the thoughts I was thinking while in the rain but like there was more to it that no one will know about because well people don't need to know or worry about what I was thinking except technically one person but it really doesn't matter anyways.