Rant #1

So today I ranted for an hour and a half to Holly about my life. I usually hold things in but I just couldnt anymore. I talked to her about many many things. Im going to give you the gist of the rant because if I write it all it will be like 18 pages holly said. So here I go

I realized that being single is driving me insane. Like I hate it so got damn much. I really cant stand it. I mean all I want is someone to cuddle with and to love me and I will love them back. I mean I could be the perfect girlfriend....if It wasnt for Holley. Holley ruined my life. Before I ever dated her I was really independent and I didnt need no one. I could do everything on my own and I wanted to do everything on my own. I never wanted anyones help and I never asked! But then Holley came along and well changed my entire person. Slowly Im gaining her back but I realized I dont really know how to be in a good relationship. All the relationships around me well they arent that good. and like I dont think I could really be in a good relation ship. But I have realized why my relationships never last....Holley and I just jumped into our relationship and well....she cheated on me multiple times, Dakota was too mature and needed someone there to be with, Katie....well Im not so sure about Katie....But like ugh I cant stand being fucking single...Like when I look at Scott and Holly on a good day I always get like jealous cause I want a relationship like that but then again they fight an awful lot and then I think about how I dont want to be in a relationship if thats what I have to look forward to I mean got damn. Le sigh..Well I realized what I exactly want in someone I date...I want someone who is like me but also opposite than me....and I hate Holly cause she made me realize wh0o fits that description. eyeyiyi. Also I ranted about my family and how I dont feel loved by then and shit like that that, I realize now that I really dont want to get into detail about that anymore. Also I realized my feeling towards a certain someone and only one person knows how I feel and will know how I feel and thats Holly.