I hate family

So last night made me really pissed. My mom started off with yellin at meh and shitt and well I wasnt having it. Like SHe doesnt really want shit to do with my life unless I am in trouble. Thats not a good fuckin mother. And well She was pissin meh off and she got pissed cause I was being an asshole and bein sarcastic and shitt and she was getting sick of it. Shes lucky I didnt say what I wanted too, Cause she told meh to grow up and do something with my life. I so badly wanted to tell her to do fucking something with hers. Shes 40 fuckin years old and the only reason she makes money is cause she watches my nieces and nephews and shitt and cause she gets child support for meh and my little sister and I dont even fucking live there! She makes me so fuckin mad, so does the rest of my damn family! They are all a bunch of fuckin hypocrites! THey always fuckin yell at meh for shit Im doing with my life when not one of them are fucking doing anything with there lives and shit.THey are constantly yellin at meh about school when they all dropped out themselves. Ricky dropped out senior year, Becky in 11th grade, Cassie and my mother both in 9th grade, and my dad dropped out too. So none of them mother fuckers have shit to say about meh. They piss meh off so damn much about that shitt. And none of them are doing anything with there lives either. Ricky has no job, Elyse (His girl) has a job, My mom doesnt have a job as I said before, Becky doesnt have a job, Brandon ( Her man) Does. Ricky and becky both have kids. Cassie is the only one with a job but she has a son who isnt even one yet and is bout to have another kid. Its so fucking sad. I really hate my family most the time and ughh

Catching up

So Irs been snowing alot and I love snow and everything but not now. I think Im getting sick and well I cant stay warm like at all. So it really sucks. I wanna just cuddle with someone to be warm and shitt and like it doesnt happen.......sadly. All well I guess....thats what happens when you are single and not trying to get with anyone. So I guess thats what happens. Im sneezing like a mother fucker though and it really sucks. I want to be all better so I can be like myself and play in the snow and everything. I hate winter really. The only god thing is that it gives you a reason to hold someone and be all cute and cuddly and everything.....ughh. I really hate this. Being single really sucks ass and well grr I dont want to be ingle but it looks like thats whats going to happen...Im gonna be single and have to deal with it cause anyone I date is gonna get hurt because I will prolly never love em and shitt. So I dont want to date anyone cause I want someone else that I am gonna write about in another blog. Imma write a blog for all the things in my head and there all gonna be separate so that I can make sure I have all the blogs I need and everything. Cause well I havent really felt like writing lately and shitt. I more talk about the problems than write about them now cause when I write I think, when I think I get depressed, when I get depressed I either get angry or cry. It really sucks and shitt and I cant stand it. Right now Im feeling like shitt. Im sneezing, sniffly, tired and just blahhh. So well heres one blog outta like 10 I need to write to catch up on my blogs.

Thanks.

So I know I am having fun confusing Gil. I am writing both in this blog and my other one. The other one is for more personal reasons that I do not wish to have people read. This one is just the one that both Katt and myself can enjoy writing on and not caring what people say or anything. So I decided to write in this blog for I have not wrote in it in a wile. I have been writing more personal blogs on my other account. But yeah I think today is one of the best days Ive had in a little while now even though I feel like udder shit cause of a conversation I had late last night. But what the person said is true. (Holly is you read this I am not telling you the person) But I realized I am what Cyrus said...a heart breaker. Sad thing is I enjoy hurting people the way I have been hurt in the past....But only certain people for some reason i dont hurt. Its kind of weird. Maybe its because they make or made me feel as I once did about two and a half years ago....I dont really know. I just know that I know people who help me through the darkness I am consumed in. Its like they are my saviors and I thank those people from the deep depths of my heart in helping me realize I can love and can care even after what I have been through...Id specially like to thank my shining star for she has been there through a lot and helped me and listened to me when I felt as if I had no one else. (holly Im not telling you who that is either) I thank Shelby too for she ha given me great advice Friday night when she told me that if I just opened up a little, tried to be happy how much better off Id be and how much more Id feel as if I had someone in my life to help me. Thanks everyone for alot of your help. Also I want to thank Gil for giving me something to think about a lot over the past Id say week. He told me I needed to be selfish and take the things I want and not help every person I can to create more difficulties in my life. Well Gil finally I have though about it and you are right. Im going to try as hard as I can to make myself happy and I am happy to say I have amazing people...like my shining star...that will be there to help me along the way. Also mostly Id like to thank Holly B. cause she has been there through thick and thin and still even when I have been an ass she never left my side and still tried to help me through all the problems I have faced. She is a true friend and just about the best friend someone could ask for. Thanks for not giving up on me and thank for sticking around...and tis the reason why you are my wife lol.

FUCK THE WORLD!

Fuck everything. FUck relationships, fuck love fuck it all! I hate it all. And Im sick of god damn people tellin me how Im a makin a situation worse. Okay no one seems ti fucking understand what that fucking does too me. Like NO ONE DOES! I try so damn hard to make people happy and try to help them out when they arent doing too well but no people keep on fucking telling me that Im making it worse. WELL FUCK YOU! Im sick of trying to help people. Im sick of fucking being nice. Im sick of having such a big god damn heart. I wish it would just fucking die. I mean its already broken which is why I try so damn hard to make people happy I figure if I cant be happy why not try to make someone else happy....WELL FUCK THAT!!! Im sick of that bullshit! Im done trying to make people happy. Im DONE! Im sick of people asking me whats wrong...ITS MY FUCKING BUSINESS LEVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND STAY THE FUCK OUT OF IT! My problems are mine, yours is yours...so stop asking me whats wrong and trying to be in it. If I say Im okay then leave it at that. I dont give a fuck if you care about me, I dont give a fuck if you want me happy, I DONT FUCKIN CARE! Thats my problem. Leave me the hell alone. Unless I wanna talk to you then dont talk to me. GOT IT?!?!?

Rain

I think Im starting to hate the rain. It rained this morning and I am soaked....I think I know how dogs feel when we put them outside in the rain. But yeah I was so damn tired last night and shitt. I went home at 10:30 and was out like a light. I was so tired and I don't even know why. But yeah I had fun chillin' with Mandy and Justin yesterday....I chill with them like everyday now. I dunno there's nothing else to do cause I don't want to chill with Scott anymore so I am kinda not chillin' with Holly anymore. I mean we are still friends I just don't want to go to Scottts' anymore. So yeah I've been going home and chillin' with Mandy and Gabby. Gabby is my frist best friend I ever had. We aren't best friends anymore but we are still close. She's like my cousin and she's really awesome. She moved out to New Jersey and well I missed her a lot. Finally last week she moved back out here to Rochester so we have been chilllin' a lot more Okay so I dunno what else to talk about for now.

Stressful day.

So today alot has happened. And well we shall see how the day ends. Me and Katt has decided that we are just gonna be friends for now. Like she has alot on her plate as do I and well we need to figure things out before we can be in a healthy relationship. If we end up dating again then so be it. I love her as a friend and more and I just want her to be happy. So if this is gonna help her on her way to be happy then hey Im willing to have this like this. My life will go on and well I will do my best to help out a very amazing person and friend. I hope things turn out alright with her and I hope she can get back to her happy place. I will deal with the stress and problems I am having and she can do the same for herself...the only difference is that Im gonna be right here when ever she needs me and I will help her whenever she asks. Im happy to say that being friends would be the best and well that Im happy we can still be friends...have things go back to the way they were before. Katt Im rooting for you to get happy again, to figure this all out. Good luck.

Kathleen Please Read

So now I feel like a complete idiot....I feel bad for the blog I had posted that KAthleen read and like I feeel bad that I got so pissed off but to be quite honest all this really had not much to do with her. I have alot more going on with me that only one person really know about and well all the stress that I ahve just well overwelmed me and I just couldnt take it. So honestly Katt Im really sorry for all that has happened. I know me just saying sorry may not be enough but I dont know what else to do. I just well took out my stress on the wrong person and Im sorry. I really dont know what to say anymore cause well I know I was in the wrong and I know I took thisw all out on the wrong person...again sorry.

This is a blogg syaing that I honestly dont regret anything I said in the blog I wrote and deleted this morning. I am just so damn stressed and I cant handle anything anymore. I sat in the back hallway with Holly and fucking cried cause Im so stressed. Im sitting here no crying. I just cant handle anything anymore. I am so worried about so got damn much. Im worried about my friends, my family everything. I was so close to saying fuck you too school and just dropping out. I cant do this shit anymore. My hand hurts so much cause I punched the door but I really dont care right now. Its nothing too me....pain is pain and thats it. I dont even think Im going to beable to make it through the damn day. I ahve so much going on in my life right now and Im trying to take on so much more just cause I do wanna help the people I care about. I just dont know anymore....I really. dont...

Feeling better once again

So I am finally feeling not so numb. I am able yet again to feel happiness. I have no idea what happened last night but man was it bad. Im happy to be over it finally. Katt I know you are gonna read this so Im sorry how I acted last night and well I dont plan on leaving you and I know you want to be with me and I know you love me....so please stop changing my Blog name....I like making them what I make them for it usually helps with the way I am feeling. My life just seems to kinda overload sometimes and well I end up being the way I was yesterday. It happens all the time and well I know it will continue to happen through out my life...plus last night I was getting yelled at by my guardian and that wasnt helping my situation. But now I am better and able to smile again so yeah its all good now. Life seems to be better today and well Im looking forward to the weekend to chill with mandy as well as with Katt on Saturday. So now Im just gonna enjoy the rest of my day.

Lifes just too short...

So today was a long day. I had many emotions go through me today that well pretty much will happen for the next few days. I have felt anger, depression, numbness, aggravation, I have felt like giving up, I have felt like nothing matters. Soo many thoughts have gone through my head and well not one thing has helped me through any of this...Right now I am just cold and I feel more alone now than I think I have ever felt before. Most of the time when I feel alone I have realized that I wasnt really feeling alone. I was more feeling hurt and broken. But now at this moment and time and Moments before this and moments after this I will feel completely alone. Like I feel as if no one would understand but I know that is not the truth. I know people feel as I do right now every day but just I dont think anyone could help me..or at least I wouldnt let someone help me. I mean obviously if Im feeling this way I am meant to feel this way for a reason...the reason Im feeling it is unknown but hey Im not looking for any answers. I am accepting this fact and well I am just doing what I know can help me through times like this....write and write more. Life is too short to dwell on the past but it is also too short to fuckin sit and wonder things. Im choosing to live my life one day at a time not knowing whats going to happen next and well it came to my attention that well....I dont really care anymore. Im just going to do me and try to make it through the year. I mean Im already fucking up this school year and for what? Nothing. Im skipping cause Im choosing to fall right into the same steps I took last year....Im getting ISS and sad thing is that last year I didnt even get ISS and I did alot more shit last year than this year. Like what the hell am I doing with my life? NOTHING! I pretty much have nothing and pretty much if I keep doing what Im doing Im going to amount to nothing. Im sick of my life...more than anyone would fucking realize. like right now Im sitting here so damn close to crying cause I realize what Im doing to myself. I fucking hate all of this and I cant fucking do this anymore. If I do Im going to stress myself out to much and Im going to do a hella lot of things Im going to regret....

Past, Present and Future

So I sit in a dark room
And look to the ceiling
Many many thought
Of past come too me
So I think about her
And the way I was treated
And realize how fearful
I am for the past to be repeated
I start to realize
That luckly it wont happen
Life is too short
To dwell on the past
So I look at the present
Right now the future is blurry
But I wouldnt expect it any other way
For no one knows what will happen
But right now I know
That who I have with me
The person I love
Will not hurt me the way I was
Im happy to realzie that
And I believe things will go well
Thank to her my fears are leaving
Thanks to her I can live again

Im an asshole

I am such a god damn idiot! I shouldnt have done what I did. Holly and I decided to see what Katt would say if I got put in jail yesterday and well it really back fired. I didnt mean to make her cry I just wanted to see what she would say. Now I feel like complete shitt and like a god damn asshole, but as soon as I herd she cried I ran to the ISS room. I so didnt mean to make her cry. I wouldnt have done it if I knew she would. I really just wanted to see what she would say. Im soo sorry Kathleen if you read this. I felt like shit when I woke up, I look like shit and well now I feel like it even more. I dont even know what to say...Im sorta afriad to see her cause Im sure shes gonna be completely pissed at me for what happened and it really wasnt to make her cry...I almost cried when I was outside thinking about all of this.....Im an asshole and I know it. I am sooooooooooooooo sorry like times 10 million.....

Stress, stress and more stress

So friday was like the most stressful day out of the school year. I got to school normal time and started to chill with dylan and then Holly showed up to school and fuckin started to say how I had to go to Scotts to help him with the car and shitt. Well I didnt want to go for Kathleen was suppose to come to my house and chill and shitt. Well come to find out Scotts mom got rid of my car and shitt and I am not getting any money for it yet I found something out this weekend that I will talk about in my next blog about my weekend. But anyways so I got pissed at Holly and shitt and well I was gonna skip Algebra IIB. I didnt end up skipping for me and Holly ended up talking and got over what happened in the morning. So then I found out that Some shit about a stupid ass letter was happening and well we didnt want anyone to get in trouble for it and well that all fell through. Katt got three days of ISS and well it sucks cause we wont be able to talk like at all this week. and it really sucks ass. I guess it has to be done specially sense she got off real easy for what was in that letter.

Booked

So today is just a wow kind of day. There was two fights at one time and like I was rght there. I have no idea who the people are but whatever I dont really care for I am not one to watch fights....but......this dude got his ass beat by this chick and it was wow! Anyways today was the PSAT and well I didnt have to take it cause I took it three years ago. So I got out of doing it today and I spent the morning pretty much with Kathleen. So my next two weekends are booked and Kathleen made sure of it. Friday I gotta go to the dentist with her and I get outta class earlier for it. After the dentist shes gonna be comming over to my house and well Katt is gonna finally meet my cousins Mandy and Gabby. Me and Gab grew up together and everything and well I lovers her. Gab is gonna be questioning her to make sure shes not like Holley and and isnt going to hurt me and shit cause Gab worries about meh....but Im sure Gab will like her so its all cool. Hopefully Kathleen likes Gab cause well Gab has been in my life frever and well Ill be a tad upset if they dont liek eachother. Gab says I shouldnt introduce her to my mum and my sisters and brother...but I should let her meet my nephews and nieces. My family is really divided and no one eally likes my mum and sisters and brother so yeah I understand it. Gab thinks I should have her meet my cousins Cory and Mag and them cause well Cory, Gab and I was the ones who grew up together and well Corys cool as hell. I dunno if Katt wants to meet My mum and them I wont tell her no but Im not gonna make her meet them either. Its her decision but she HAS to meet Gab and Mandy cause well they are the ones who matter the most to meh right now. I cant wait but anyways to finish telling you what the rest of my plans are for the next two weekends....Saturday I ahve to go to some dinner with Kathleen cause she wants meh to go. Im not sure if I really want to go personally but I guess Im gonna go anyways. Then the Saturday after that I have to go to some Jewlery party Katts mum is having so Ill be at that. The weekend after thatI think Im actually free again but them after that is Halloween weekend and well I have that weekend planned too. Friday Katt wants me to go to some haunted house in Avon I think with her and her parentals and then Sturday is Halloween and well I have a party to go to at Corys with Holly B. So Im really excited for the rest of this month! So well I think thats all for now.

Randomness

So yeah Im positive that Im gonna get killed by Gil cause Im skipping my class and he's my extended class teacher...I hope I don't get killed...Im already grounded and I don't want to be grounded longer..Im trying hard as hell to get off punishment. But Pam seen me as well and well she didn't say anything but she was threatening telling Dan when i was me, Holly and Katt. Whatever. I really don't care just as long as Im not getting yelled at. Im happy then lol. Kathleen is posting blogs just so you know Gil so the blogs in Pink you don't have to worry about cause there Katts. She just wanted to post blogs and shitt and well I really don't care as long as I get my blogs posted and shit. Ill make sure to get them all Gil so don't worry plus you know I will....I love to write. But I think Katt just likes to write blogs on my account cause well...It shows I trust her too and well its a good way to get me to read things that she wants me too. I dunno really why and if you want to know personally well then you can ask her cause well I don't care, cause as long as she's happy Im happy. So everything is all good. Yeah so I got nothing else to write about at the moment so Im going. BYES!!!!

omg our weekend....lmfao

okay omg so as Sam said we spent the weekend together which was rele fun considering how i got Sam UN grounded.... I'm such a evil mastermind lol ok so anyways.

 okay so this weekend was fun on Saturday my mom took me and Sam and shorty {shantel) to pumpkin farms and it was so crazy it was our 1st time at a pumpkin farm together and her 1st time meeting my parents which was cool cause they liked her but anyways back to wat i was saying...so the 1st pumpkin farm we went to was so funny we went on this gay hayride and ok i got a little scared because there was a clown...lol and then we went into these tipi's that was filled with really cool carved out pumpkins and right before we left some body spilled mad apple cider all over me omg i was SO mad GRRRRRRR but i got over it. so after that we went to burger king and i pigged out as always.....

OK then we left and went to another pumpkin farm on five mile line rd and that was really funny cause it was so corny hehehehe there was this really...kind of scary haunted house and i clung on to sam the whole time but after the 3rd time it got funny cause shantel got really sick and threw up in it...we didn't tell anyone either, maybe we should of lol. then we went on a corn maze thing that was fun cause we kept landing in a dead end.  then we walked around and i broke the gate to the goats hope they didn't get out oh well. ok so after that we went to the beach and met  up with our friend Dan and it was so cute cause me and Sam walked hand in hand on the pier to the end awwwwww......it was a perfect ending to a perfect day... then i went home and fell out. so then Sunday i went shopping then spent my whole night talking to Sam and Scott and they talked about my birthday present and i sat stupid trying to figure out what it was i want to know but i want it to be a surprise all i know is that its small comes in a box and it sparkels.....hmmmmmm???? i don't know but anyways i love u sam...hehehe moment.

My weekend

So as Kathleen said before on my blogs her and I are dating. Makes meh happy and everything so thats good. We chilled together on Saturday with her parents and Shorty lol. We had fun. We went to a few places and then went and met one of there friends. It was all fun and everything and whats funny is some how she got my guardian to let me go even though Im grounded....which really sucks that I am. I guess I do deserve it but I dont give a fuck cause I want the fuck off already! Like I really hate being grounded so god damn much! Her parentals are pretty cool and I guess they like meh which is a first. Usually parents hate meh and I think its funny cause Im like one of the nicest people ever! lol. Well I dont really know what to talk about for theres not much to talk about cause Im bored and everything....so adios.

Another poem I wrote for a friend on Allpoetry.com

Forgive me

After all these years
After all this time
I feel it's good
To say one thing
I'm sorry…
I'm sorry for the day
I ripped your heart in two
I never wanted to hurt you
But I know they would be true
I let what happened
A long time ago
Affect the way
I would act and feel
I never meant to hurt you
That wasn’t my intention
I just wanted you happy
And that was the way to do it
Today I ask for one thing only
I ask simply Please forgive me.

tired v.v

So we went to East high school today for extended class and did some character building thing. It was really cool and really fun. I had a good time but I still wont get on the high ropes course. So your shit outta luck Gil. Kathleen wasnt in school today. I guess shes sick or something and it kinda sucks cause I missed my little Kitty Katt lol. Na without Katt in class theres nothing fun about class. Plus I like seeing Kathleen.Holly wasnt in school until 12 cause she had to go on a trip with her senior seminar class. Dylan kept me company and everything so I wasnt so alone. I had alot of time to think and shitt cause no one was really around. And everyone knows I hate thinking but....I didnt mind what I was thinking. I was thinking about a certain couple of friends and how I couldnt live my life without them. I really do appreciate the friends I have and Im happy I have them around. I lovers you guys ^_^.

Live A Lie, Put On A Act

To me things are galling apart
Nothing seems to be going right
Too much hurt
Too much pain

I talk to people
Get their input
Yet nothings helping
Its still hurting

The pain inside
My emotions
Its getting to be
Too much

The one thing that helps
The one thing I could do
I cant or
I hurt even more

Cutting...
Seeing the scarlet lines
Being drawn across my arm
It feels like a sanctuary

Like I can escape everything
Be happy
Forget whats happening
Help me be free

Still I cant do it
Not to where anyone knows
Cause if it happens
I loose everything

I loose my family
More importantly
My nieces and nephews
The only ones who matters

Think and think more
Find a way
To escape
Yet not to get found out about

Act like everything is normal
Act like nothing happening
Lie when asked
Tell them you didnt do it

Know in your mind
The the beautiful
Scarlet lines
Are laying across your arm

Make sure to keep it hidden
Dont let no one find out
Remember finding out
Means loosing your life

Cant let that happen
Wont let that happen
Remind yourself to
Act and lie

Put on a smile
Make people believe youre happy
that things are getting better
Live your lie

Still cut every night
Secretly and long
No more pain
No more hurt

Just make sure
No one finds out...

Worse Case Sanario

The worst possible thing
That could happen to me
may not be
What you think..

To many death
Is the worst thing
That could happen
To themselves or someone they love

To me death is nothing
It hurts more than anything
More than fighting or
Even a heartbreak

Yet Im use to it, All of it
Death happens cause
Its meant to happen
That persons time to go

But the wose thing to me
Is loosing the people closest to me
The only thing that really matters
Family...

Sadly enough
Its starting to happen
But hasnt been completed
Not yet...

My family
Its falling apart
Yet I still have 'em
Theyre still around

But if I cut
Get found out about
I loose them
Never see them

I cant allow that to happen
I cant get found out about
No one can know
Play the field...

Lie and act
Make people believe
Things are good
Nothings happening...

Hush Little One

Keep quite
Cut secretly
Hurt inside
Hurt outside

Yet never let it get out
No one can ever know
Cant loose them
Wont loose them

Let people help
Let them know the problems
Yet let them believe
You are controlling yourself

Keep secrets
Live a lie
Put on a smile
Play the game...

So now I put on a fake smile and pretend to be happy

Why the fuck do3es my family gotta fall apart. I mean don't people always say that in the end the only thing you will have is family? Well obviously that's not true. This shit kills me on the inside. After my grandparents died we all vowed to stick together for them. Well not surprisingly all the adults started to fight. But even through all that us "kids" mad it known that we were always gonna stick together and stay. We wanted to have strong family ties and not end up like our parents. We even drank on my grandfathers death day and vowed it. Well looks like that was a lie too. All of the "kids" of the family is all fighting now too. I mean this shitt really hurts me cause I really don't truly have anyone in my life and I always though that My sisters, brothers and cousins Cory, Mag, and there mates Heather and Dugan and I were always gonna be together and shitt. But now Cory, Mag, Heather and Dugan is all fighting with my sisters Becky and Cassie and my brother Ricky. Even my mom and Aunt Steph is going at it. Like no one really knows how this is affecting me....And I wouldn't let them know because then all that will happen is they will just keep me in the dark about everything. I really don't want that. When I think about it I want to cry and cut....but something keeps me from grabbing a blade and cutting. I don't really know what but its sure as hell stopping me. Maybe its the fact that I don't want to disappoint my teacher again or Katt again. I mean Holly care but I don't think it affects her badly. I know Katt doesn't like it cause of how she reacted about something else that I told her that I'm not going to mention here. I dunno....like I just cant seem to do it no matter how badly I want too....I hate my thoughts, I hate my problems....I wish they could all just go away and I wouldn't have to deal with them....specially cause I will have to deal with them alone cause I wont ask for help cause I don't need it. Plus there would only be a few people I would want to be there for me....and I am not mentioning names....but I'm sure those people know who they are. All well I guess some people are meant to go through life dealing with there problems while putting on a act to get most people off there backs...and I guess I have to play that role once again and well what people don't realize is that I do a very good job at it. People just think that I am bad at acting happy...most times I let people know when something is bothering me. Asshumz is the only person I know that can truly tell when I'm really upset no matter what...Fuck I don't know what to do but to put on a smile and make everything seem okay again and I guess that's what I'm going to do..

Hokay

(still in extended class lol) So I just remembered I never said anything about prom this year. I am very excited about it this year. I already figured out what Im gona do...and what Im doing is very surprising. Im wearing a dress....yes I said dress...also Im doing my hair and make-up....yes this all has to be surprising to hear but its the truh. I did this cause I am almost positive that Im not going to prom next year and in doing this...what Im doing....Asshumz is gonna come to prom. Im excited cause me and Assumz gets to chill again and well Im gonna do something no one ever though I would do. So I guess some people are just gonna go to prom just to see me and thats kinda weird. So Like Im kinda nervous about all of this cause I think I look horrible in a dress....but thats just me. I gurentee that people would argue that fact but yeahhhh whatever. Yes I just wrote a short blog just to state all this on "paper" and yeah so anyone could know that Im not joking.

babble and more babble

Lets see...what to talk about today...(Im in extended class right now)...Well school is ass as always and I drew during Math class and still got all my work done without paying attention. Also during Karens class I got all my work done but me and Katt needs to cool it on the talking or we arent gonna be able to sit together anymore. So I really need to pay attention more in that class. Well I am gonna be talking to Quiana about just being friends or nothing at all but shes always absent so I havent been able to talk to her. This weekend was kinda boring. I chilled with my cousin Mandy and her best friend Stacy and the asians Phi, Ti and Vu. We did alot of stupid shit Im not gonna say cause I really cant say but yeah it was fun. We drove around alot and on Friday Mandy Stacy and I all went driving around and Mandy drove. I swore I was gonna die. Mandy was driving on the wrong side of the rode and everything. Luckly Stacy kept us alive. Katt and I talked alot during the weekend on the phone cause we have no lives. She said my guardian sound nice and she wants to meet her so I guess next weekend or this weekend or whatever it is shes gonna come to my house and meet her. Its gonna be a little wierd on account none of my friends come to my house....well except Asshumz but she hasnt been in my new room so Katt will be the first friend in my room....Its gonna be a little wierd. So I got the money for my fangs and me and Holly are gonna be ordering them and then Ill have fangs to wear for now on. Im happy and shitt about it cause I have been dying to have the fangs and well now its happening. So I changed the name of my blog as you can see cause Katt asked me to do it so I said I would. Its kinda gay but funny and I guess it made her happy so it works out. If shes happy Im happy. Ummm Ill ahve some more to write tonight cause Im going over Scotts house to chill and shitt so I guess Ill be blogging again tonight.

I dunno

So today is just not a good day for me. Like its really horrible. And well Katt was givin me a really big attitude in Microbiology and like that really pisses me off. How you gonna give me an attitude when Im just trying to be nice and shit. I mean yeah Im not in the best mood today but still I wouldn't give her an attitude because Im not happy. Im mad that she did that too me, and Im not the only one who seen it. Eric also said she was being a bitch today too. Ugh I hate the way people act towards me. Like I am so damn depressed....Im thinking more and more about cutting and the only thing stopping me is the fact that I don't want to loose my nephews and niece. Like they are probably the most important people in my life...but like if all this shit keeps happening and I keep thinking about all the things I am thinking about then Im gonna end up doing it. And like I could cry right now and I don't think it would actually do anything for me. Like crying doesn't seem to help anymore and thats probably why I don't do it anymore. I don't know what the hell to do and like talking to Holly about this shit is nice but I don't want to talk to her about it anymore cause I know she has to be getting sick of hearing it. And I wish I could talk to someone about it...I mean I have Pam, my therapist and Gil but like it would be nice if I could talk to someone my age....I dunno anymore. I seems like the only way for me to feel happy is to cut and see myself bleed...I mean I know its not the best thing but I know to me its the best thing...i dunno

Γιατί λοξοτομήστε έχω αγάπη;

I officially hate couples. Like they really suck. Holly and Scott are the main reason I hate couples. Like every time I go and chill with them they are always all over each other.....well Scott is all over Holly and well it makes me feel more and more alone. And last night after cleaning Scotts grandmas house I was laying on Holy after scott left and I realized I really really really hate being alone. Like she was complaining about being cold and then I realized how nice and warm Id be if I cuddled and then I realized there's no one to cuddle and yeah. It really sucks. And last night I hated it even more after I got home because I realized how alone I am because well I was all by myself, thinking and watching that 70's show....like every night. Wow I have no life..I either chill with Mandy (my cousin) or chill with Scott and Holly or I sit at home by myself thinking and writing and reading. And all of that isn't usually very good thing.......Θέλω πραγματικά να καταλήξουμε σε κάποιον και ξέρω ότι λοξοτομώ και μισώ πραγματικά και ξέρω τι να κάνω .... και Im ranting στα ελληνικά, γιατί dont ανάγκη κανείς να διαβάσει αυτό ειδικά το πρόσωπο μιλάω γιατί καλά Ι dont ανάγκη περισσότερο σκατά για τους ανθρώπους ή κάτι τέτοιο.....I reanted in greek so no one could read it unless they know greek or is smart. Im done with my blog for now

Into The Void.

Today during lunch I went and met Asshumz at Rite Aid. I had to get my Eclipse and Breaking dawn books from her so I could give them to my cousin Danielle. I did that and we were walk over to the school and just my luck, it started to pour. About maybe 2 minutes in the rain and me Asshumz and Holly all got soaked. So I decided that I was gonna make other people wet cause I was wet. So I hugged Kathleen, Shelby and Scott Blue. It was great. Everyone was kinda mad but hey it was just for fun. So after that I went downtown and got on the 3 to get home. I got to thinking on the bus and well figured out what I was gonna do when I got home. I decided I was gonna take a hot shower...which I did, then I was gonna lay in my bed under the covers...which I did also. I though about a lot while I was laying in my bed and well I also wrote the poem that I posted before this. I really hate being single and all my friends say I need to man up and get a girl. I dunno. I'm a pussy and all my friends know its true. I guess that's just who I am. So I though about certain people as I laid in my bed a little before Scott called me talking about his and Hollys relationship. Gil if you want to know what I was exactly thinking about in my bed then ask me when we have our meeting and I will tell you. Like I know I wont forget because the things I was thinking about always run through my head just no one actually knows that. 8 out of 10 times when I am sitting quietly not paying attention to anything or anyone I am thinking about that. So I'm sure I can tell you easily. So I am now wondering what people see in me. Like I realized that a lot of people like me and I don't really know why and I really want to know why. Like can anyone explain this too me? Like I really want to know and everything. And when I asked Katt why she liked me she said that she didn't know. And a lot of people tell me this I realized. Like am I just a big mystery that everyone just wants to figure out or something? Like I don't really know. And I don't think I could ask Holly for the fact that Holly doesn't like me like that. And I mean Holley was the only person to ever tell me what she seen in me. And well because of what Holley did I don't really believe what she said. Cause how can someone think anything about me when they cheat on me 7 times? So I need more of an opinion. But I dunno where to get it from. I dunno anymore and I am completely surprised at myself. I wrote this whole thing without looking at the keyboard.....Well almost. Sometimes I need to look but this is the first time I have ever done this and I am so happy about it. Like it is so cool to look at the screen and see what I am writing. But I do kinda write slow when I don't look at the board and I cant punctuate at all. I have to go back and put in all the punctuation points except periods. Well I think I am done writing for tonight seeming as it is 12:21 in the morning and I have school. So adios.

Another poem

Loneliness

Every night I lay in bed
Alone, no one around
I wish that someone was there
That someone was in my arms
No ones ever there though
I'm all alone
I cry at night
Feeling the loneliness
Sink deep into me
I realize that I need someone
I need to have someone
Lay in my arms and cuddle
Someone to call my own
Yet no one is there
No one is ever there
Im always alone
I always hold myself tightly
wishing someone would one day
Be here with me
Will that one day ever come?

Confused and fears

So my therapist made me realize how many fears I have. Its really horrible and 90 percent of the time I am thinking about it. I really never realized how bad my fears were until I knew all of them. Like the fears I realized are driving me nuts....mainly because they are my worst fears. I have a fear of staying single, I have a fear of relationships, I have a fear of loosing control, I have a fear of not knowing what's going to happen, I have a fear of getting hurt. All these fears keep me what could make me happiest. Like I drive myself nuts cause Im always single and like I don't know what to do. Like I hate being alone because I have a fear of always being alone. Like what am I suppose to do? I want so badly to have someone, but Im afraid of being hurt. And like if I get in a relationship I could get hurt but I don't know if that would happen and I hate that and Im afraid Ill get hurt or hurt the person I am with and like I don't want to do that so I don't date people. Like what the hell am I suppose to do? I don't want to be stuck being single because well I hate being alone all the time and it also makes me hate when Im around people who are in a relationship because like I feel even lonelier. Like I don't know what to do...Im scared of being hurt so much that I cant date. And all I really want is to have someone there for me. Like I dunno Im so confused...

drama and problems

So today was a very drama filled day. Kathleen is going through alot of shit and well even though I really didnt want to deal with drama I stayed by Kathleen. I care about her so I want to be there for her. So I dealt with trying to calm her down and also keep her from doing stupid shit like fighting or leaving school. I hate drama but I guess its worth it for friends and well to me specially Katt. Yesterday she called and me and her talked last night a bit and she told me what happened a little bit. Also so unfortunetly I need another gym class. I dont know what Im gonna do yet but yeah I guess I have to do it. Ill look into something when I think of it. Also I am sad to announce to myself that I cant drop my english class even though I really dont want to be in that class. I just want to get my damn componets for school and thats all. I hate being in the predicument Im in. Like Im so rediculious, and like i hate it. I am killing myself on the inside alot. Like Im screwing myself with schooling, with problems I am choosing to keep to myself cause in reality noone can help me with them. And like now I know Gil will ask and I really pray he doesnt ask cause well to me its alot harder to talk about it then it is to ha ve it on my mind and nagging at myself. fuck man...

Kathleen Ann

Today Kathleen spent like the entire day asking me what I told Holly. Well I kept telling her nothing, but I finally deiced I should probably tell her. But Im not the one to tell people things to there face so Im going to tell her in this blog. I told Holly how I feel about Kathleen and what I think about her. Well Lets see I think Im going to start out with what I think about her...

Kathleen...shes really cool and funny yet serious. Shes really smart and really relaxed yet shes fun. Like I dunno shes like opposite of me yet like me at the same time. She really is a really great person....

So now it comes down to how I feel about her...and well its simple from what I said about her that I like her. I do and I know it. But see how she doesnt want to ruin our friendship I dont either but I mean i dunno... Like Im afraid Id mess up or something like thats how I always feel. and I really hate it...

Well anyways Kathleen when you read this....this is what I told Holly that she wasnt aloud to tell you and that I figured you had the right to know..

Rant #1

So today I ranted for an hour and a half to Holly about my life. I usually hold things in but I just couldnt anymore. I talked to her about many many things. Im going to give you the gist of the rant because if I write it all it will be like 18 pages holly said. So here I go

I realized that being single is driving me insane. Like I hate it so got damn much. I really cant stand it. I mean all I want is someone to cuddle with and to love me and I will love them back. I mean I could be the perfect girlfriend....if It wasnt for Holley. Holley ruined my life. Before I ever dated her I was really independent and I didnt need no one. I could do everything on my own and I wanted to do everything on my own. I never wanted anyones help and I never asked! But then Holley came along and well changed my entire person. Slowly Im gaining her back but I realized I dont really know how to be in a good relationship. All the relationships around me well they arent that good. and like I dont think I could really be in a good relation ship. But I have realized why my relationships never last....Holley and I just jumped into our relationship and well....she cheated on me multiple times, Dakota was too mature and needed someone there to be with, Katie....well Im not so sure about Katie....But like ugh I cant stand being fucking single...Like when I look at Scott and Holly on a good day I always get like jealous cause I want a relationship like that but then again they fight an awful lot and then I think about how I dont want to be in a relationship if thats what I have to look forward to I mean got damn. Le sigh..Well I realized what I exactly want in someone I date...I want someone who is like me but also opposite than me....and I hate Holly cause she made me realize wh0o fits that description. eyeyiyi. Also I ranted about my family and how I dont feel loved by then and shit like that that, I realize now that I really dont want to get into detail about that anymore. Also I realized my feeling towards a certain someone and only one person knows how I feel and will know how I feel and thats Holly.

Sitting in the rain

I never really realized how calming the rain was. I sat in it and though slightly about things. It was nice to feel the coolness of the raindrops falling upon my skin. It also helped me think about what I was thinking about. No Im not going to be specific about what it was that I was thinking about because well thoughts are suppose to be private sometimes and this is one of those times. But most times you will know my thoughts because most times I wrote blogs because I want my thoughts out of my head and the way to do that is by typing them down in my blog. I don't mind people knowing about what goes on in my head or what goes on around me because I don't really care what people think of me. I mean its so funny how actions people do and the thoughts they have are ways they are looked at. Like I can think of so many dark and depressing things, morbid things, so does that automatically make me "evil"? I can cut my wrists and arms and just watch them bleed without a care in the world does that make me sick and crazy? To most people its a yes but to me its a no. People do things to help out themselves. I mean yes I know people say cutting isn't helpful or isnt safe but not all people cut to kill. I was a cutter, I wasn't trying to die. It was helpful to me, it helped me stop thinking, stop feeling emotional pain and well helped me feel like I could do what I wanted. Like now I cant do that and I cant feel that way. Unless I hide my scars and hide my ways. Its not hard to do...It's quite easy but I feel as if I get found out about people will think different of me and also I know I will be admitted for doing something that makes me feel truly free. I dunno. These are some of the thoughts I was thinking while in the rain but like there was more to it that no one will know about because well people don't need to know or worry about what I was thinking except technically one person but it really doesn't matter anyways.

Untitled

So I talked to my friend who likes me and its so annoying. She said she doesn't know why she likes me and well I wanted to like hit her. Like how do you not know why you don't like someone. She said it was like the twilight series where one of the werewolfs imprinted on this girl or like Jacob imprinting on Bellas daughter. Like then she said it might have grown over time. Like ugh its so flustrating, but its okay because it not like we'd date cause both her and I don't want things to happen like things happened between me and Holley. But things happened like that between me and Holley because she was clingy and I just didn't want to deal with being hurt like that again, which is why me and her don't talk or anything. Like the last time we really talked was that day I over dosed on Ibuprofen. I would never do that again because it was so annoying to deal with and it messed up my stomach but anyways.....Back to my situation. Holley cheated on me multiple times and well then stopped trusting me when I never did anything wrong. Then she started to control who I talked to, what I did and where I went. Like she started to make me ask if I can go here or there and if I can chill with this person or that person. So thats why I fell out of love with her finally and well why we don't talk anymore. With my friend who likes me Holly said she knows things wont happen like that for she is different and shit like that. So like now Im mad that Holly decided to fucking say who it is and shitt cause I didn't plan on telling you or anyone for that matter. Now that doesn't matter cause technically you know so how much of a damn secret is it when you know >< Damn Holly. I fucking hate Holly sometimes. Fucking portable internet. I call her the portable internet because she knows everything about everyone. and the whole damn world. Its quite helpful but quite annoying at the same time. I learn anything I need to know about anyone or about what's going on but then she knows everything about me as well because I tell her. Its annoying cause you can never tell her anything about something you find out cause she already fucking knows. Okay I ran out of things to talk about cause my thought process was interrupted. So more tonight hopefully.

Hehe this is fun

So yeah Im enjoying writing my blogs this year. I give more and more work for Gil to do. Its quite fun :] So well Im off punishment finally and Im so happy. I finally get to go places and do whatever I want. So its nice except for the fact that now I get to deal with a lot more drama now. Like Mandy is constantly having drama with her boyfriend and well Im one of the only people she will talk to about things. So well Im always happy to help out. And well I have a lot of role play drama as well. I have told you about my role play in previous journals from last year and well Im still doing it. I cant wait to go home and see what people hates my characters today. But hey I make a lot of friends from role play. So Im happy about that and plus role play is where I met my most recent ex girlfriends, Dakota and Katie. Both of which I am still friends with. So its cool. I help them both with there problems a lot as well. Well Ill probably write more tonight or something but I just wanted to write at least a little today so I can say "Hey I wrote a blog today."

Thoughts thoughts and more thoughts cont'

So I have a friend who likes me and I keep getting asked how I feel about her. And well truthfully I never thought about it. I mean I know how i feel when Im around her but I dont think too hard about the situation. Like when shes around things are calm, funny and easy. I mean she seems really trust worthy and shes madd chill.I love chillin with her and plus we do madd stupid shit like quote Twilight and new moon. But like its all cool cause me and her are having fun so I dont care what other people are thinking....not that I really ever care about what other people think but anyways...Back to what I was talking about. Like I know the person who likes me but I wont say her name cause I know she doesnt want a ton of people to know. A few people know but I wasnt the one who said anything...ANYWAYS....back again to what I was talking about, Like I try not to think about how I feel about her cause Im very sketchy when it comes to relationships. I just believe that what will happen is that Ill get hurt or cheated on or someone will go wrong. And thats because thats how all my relationships end up. I dont think about it cause Im scared to know, Im scared to know cause of what can or can not happen. Do you get what I mean? If you dont well then thats too bad cause Thats as best as I can explain it. But like...le sigh...I dunno what to do about anything and like me and Holly have talked about all of this and still...I gots nothing. I dunno anymore...

Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts.

So me and my friend was talking about relationships and everything. And she was saying how she has no one to love her but that she didn't care cause she didn't need anyone. I am like that all the time and well the truth is thats not true. People are not made to be alone. Everyone needs someone in there lives. Thats why there is someone out there for everyone. You just either have to open your eyes and look or just simply wait and see. No matter what you will always find someone who is meant to be with you. I make excuses all the time about not needing someone. Like now I am saying I have too much on my plate at school, but the truth is I don't. It just gives me a reason to be single and seem like it doesn't bother me. But in reality it eats away at me little by little. But see I am a bit different than other people. I don't complain about it all the time I just sort of deal with it in my own ways....like through my poetry, my music the things I do and the people I hang out with. But I do hate it more than anything that I am single. But yet again I deal with it. Like right now I am complaining but thats because I just need to get it down and out. I mean down as in written down...even though this isn't written its typed but whatever. But still I will move on with my life and I will still do what I need to do. I won't let things like this stop me from living my life and stop me from being at least a bit happy. Like I know I'll find someone when I am ready to be in a relationship. I know these blogs are a bit shorter than usual but I am writing more than once in a day usually so I think that counts for something and plus I give Gil more to read....lol. Well I feel better now that I have gotten this out of my head and wrote about it. Till tonight..... adios.

Oh My God!

English is so not my strong point anymore! Second assignment of this year was an essay. I havent had english in a year and well I was never really good at essays, but I am good at writing. I started this essay for Marianna like three times and got so flustrated because I couldnt figure out how to write it. Like She showed us how and I probably could have used her example but thats not the way I am. Essays are so hard for me and I just cant handle them. I really and getting stressed out form this and like I dont know what to do. I want to skip the class so I cant get yelled at for not being able to do the essay but I got yelled at by Gil and got told not to skip. Like its so damn hard and I dont want to be a person who cant do it but I didnt take english at all last year and I cant seem to write them. Like poetry is suck a strong point for me and that why I am not taking the poetry class but I do want to improve on my poetry. So Im going to talk to Marianna about helping me improve my poetry. But this essay is like killing me. I can do it and I hate admitting it, but I guess at some point and time you have to admitt things you dont want to. Le sigh. I guess ill write another blog tonight just for the hell of it cause I just enjoy blogging and getting things off my chest so Im not stressing so badly.

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

Well today was a pretty good day. I spent time with Holly and played around in class with Kathleen and then found out someone liked me. but I'll start from the top. Lets see I spent the begging of school in in Karens class room to get my previous blog done. Then class started and Me and Kathleen chilled and talked in class and joked around about Twilight and New Moon in a good way. Also we snuck on the computer so that she could read my poetry. She liked it which makes me happy cause most times I think my poetry really sucks. But everyone who has read it has liked it so yay. So after class with Kathleen I spent the rest of the day with Holly. We took picks and talked and chilled and had fun. I love chillin with Holly. Shes really close to me and I don't know what I would do without her in my life. But yeah she stands behind me 100 percent and I stand behind her. I lovers her with all my heart. So me and holly went to gym together and played some stupid games and then took pictures after gym. That's also when I found out someone had a crush on me. Shelby told me but wouldn't tell me who it was......bitch. Well Holly got it out of her after she wouldn't tell me and now I am deciding to act like I don't know...mostly because Shelby asked me to act like that. But yeah I'm choosing not to think about it because I have a lot to deal with with school and everything. I don't need anything to distract me right now. Plus I'm trying as hard as I can not to date anyone in school cause a lot of drama happens because of that.

Past and stress..

Yesterday I some how got my guardian to let me go to Scotts house even though Im grounded. It was cool. We went to his grandmothers house and chilled there for a little while and then finally went to his house. We watched this movie called Cademned.( I don't know how to spell it.) It was a good movie but I didn't get to watch it all cause I got picked up at 5:30 and had to go home. I think my kittens get mad at me when I sleep cause I cant pet them. I woke up with three scratches on my hands that weren't there when I went to bed. But its okay I know they love me when I am awake. And thats only because I feed them and without me they couldn't eat. Na Im kidding I know they love me. There names are Soven and Sunset.(Sunset makes me sound like a hippy XD) THey are both guys and they both drive me crazy. They like to keep me awake at night when I try to sleep. Its quite annoying. When I sit in my bed Soven like tries to maul me so I pet him. Its funny. Gil makes me mad. He's trying to make me take another class so I can get more credit....but I like my laid back schedule. But I dunno maybe it will be good. I mean I know they only want me to do good but its hard enough for me to concentrate in school. But I push myself to do it anyways. I ahve to graduate next year no matter what. No one in my family has. Everyone keeps dropping out in high school and then all the pressure gets put on me. Like everyone keeps saying how I have to break the chain and I don't think they realize how much that makes me stressed and makes me stop trying. I hate how everyone expects me to be. Like it makes me just want to do the opposite so they cant sit there and pressure me anymore. I hate it so much. Back when I lived with my dad he use to tell me how I better graduate and go to collage cause I had to be the one who took care of him when he got old, but then he kicked me out. When I moved into Nancys and Holleys He told Nancy to have me drop out and get a job. So like it seems that after I left his house he didn't care anymore. Like he doesn't realize that I am not a mommas girl or a daddys girl and thats what he wants. Thats the reason why he seems to favor my sisters Katrina and Cassie. They always stick with him and stay on his side. I know how he is and I tend to end up hating him for the things he has done. I will never forgive him but Im not saying what the things he did that I wont forget. But its pretty bad and its not completely proven....but I believe it happened because of the way my father is. But again...Im not getting into it. I really don't know what else to talk about so Im just going to go cause I need to write another blog tonight anyways.

Love or Lust....A poem

Love or Lust

Is the feeling I feel for her
Actual love
Or love covered lust

Love or lust....?

Seems to me that I just cant tell
Part of me says love
Part of me says lust

Love or Lust...?

The sound of her voice
Fluttering through my mind
So beautiful and cute

Love or lust....?

Her beautiful face
Painted as a permanent picture in my mind
So flawless and perfect

Love or lust....?

Her personality
So fun and colorful
One of a kind

Love or lust....?

I yern of feel
the feel of her touch
Her skin on mine

Love or lust....?

My feeling so confused
Undefined
Clouded by Desire

Love or Lust....?
Author notes

A poem

Living In Darkness

I sit in the grass
listening to
sounds of nature
Birds chirping and the wind blowing
Sounds of the city
Cars driving and kids playing
I look around
Yet nothings there
Everything is covered
in a thick coat of darkness
as if my eyes are closed
but they are not
They are wide open
I can feel everything
hear everything
Just nothing is visible
Its like Im living in darkness
and no light can shine through
I reach out hoping to find someone
but no one is there
All the sounds are fading
like Im falling
I feel the air around me
moving faster and faster
I hear it whistling in my ear
I put my arms out
put my head back
I accept it all
Nothing can make it better
Will I ever see the light?

Just another day at school

Well I have been in school for a week and a day. I have all my classes set and its nice to see all my friends again. So the classes I have are as followed.....Microbiology, Algebra II B, Are you serious, And Advanced Lit. They are all great classes and all the teachers are amazing. I love my school so much. I wouldn't change it for anything. So well I have community service and I'm doing it at a rec center. It will be every Thursday at 4 pm to 6 pm. Its hopefully going to be a lot of fun. So for my extended class which is Are you serious, I have to write a journal/blog entry everyday. To me this is hard cause I never really know what to talk about so I tend to babble a little. I'm sorry if it get a little boring but its the way I am. Well I had a really good day today, which is a little surprising because I usually don't have good days. I went to my cousins house and I haven't been there is a long time now. Also I seen another cousin of mine this morning. So I seen family today which usually makes me in a good mood. I also had to deal with zero drama today....which is also another surprise. I deal with drama almost everyday of my life. It get so annoying sometimes but hey what can you do right? Well anyways the only kind of problem I had today was my thoughts that consume me everyday...and that I'm sick. So yeah my thoughts about someone I really love but the problem is she doesn't live in this state or city and she can't handle long distance. So it really sucks because she makes me feel like no other person ever had. But yeah with this whole being sick thing it feels like I cant breathe or anything and I really hate it. Also I'm not very hungry cause my stomach hurts so I'm barely eating. I guess that could be a bad thing or a good. But I think its more bad than good. Well I really don't know what more to put in this blog because if I put too much in I wont have anything to talk about tomorrow.

The First New Blog Of The New Year

So here we go again. Another year at School Without Walls. Well this year I have my head in the game and I really hope to keep it that way. I'm really focused on getting all my credit this year. I'm trying so hard to keep drama out of this school year. I really think I will be able to do it this year. I'm really excited. But I was thinking for the first blog I would write a little about my summer. It wasn't really that great though. I was stuck doing summer school again this year but sadly I didn't get the credit for the classes I was taking. I spent some time hanging out with my friends this year but not much. I went to the beach once with them but that was all the fun time we really had. I spent a lot of time with my family this summer. Which is nice cause I got to see my niece and nephews a lot more that I usually do. Umm over the summer I started to take therapy to help me with all the stress I seem to develop. My therapist is real nice and not like most therapist. She advises me against things and for things but doesn't tell me how I have to do them. Also she doesn't do that "So how does that make you feel" line. So its great. I told her about a little plan I had going on to get credit for gym without doing the work, but I didn't figure into getting cough about lying. Turns out I did get cough. So for about almost three weeks now I have been grounded. I'm actually grounded until the 18th of September. It really sucks cause I hate being stuck in a house but I have been reading a lot more because of it. So I am happy. I love my vampire books so yeah smiles for me. Well really that's it for the whole summer sadly, and that's mainly cause I choose to keep my love life out of it. Well I guess more to come about my schooling and life as the days go by.